"Once and a child" interview with the author Antigoni Voutsina about her excellent book (published by FOURFOURI) May 18, 2022 – Posted in: Interview – Tags: , ,

On the occasion of her book "Once a child" published by FOURFOURI publications, illustrated by Filanthi Georgana, Angeliki Lalou spoke with its author, Antigoni Voutsina, about children, parents, upbringing and trauma .

First of all... the spiral: why did you choose the spiral as the symbol of this particular story?

I say not to answer that for you. I suggest that each reader interpret this for himself.

What prompted you to write this book and when did the idea come to you?

I have been working with children for many years. Inside each child I see the parent integrated. And when I look at the parent, I see in him the wounded child that he once was. An endless babushka of bans, injury, repulsed. In order to save each child, the parent must first be saved. Lately I have been meeting more and more parents lost within themselves, more and more children lost within their parents. I wanted to do something about it with the tools at my disposal.

Who are you targeting?

To the parent who wants to listen to his inner voice and remember the child he once was. To the parent who wants to bend down and listen to the child they have brought into the world. To the parent who can bear to read the book with his child and ask him what he sees in the story. Finally to psychotherapists and child psychiatrists in order to use it, as they know, in the treatment of the parent-child relationship.

Did you choose a daughter and a mother – would it change something if the child was a boy – and for the father-daughter or father-son relationship would you write another story?

The once a child it's a trilogy. The spiral refers to the mother-daughter relationship, the arrow to the father-son relationship, and the circle to the parent-to-parent relationship. A child is shaped by the behavior of the mother, the father and the dyad itself. These three elements raise the edifice. If it is strong, it will withstand vibrations. If not, at some unsuspecting moment it will collapse.

How (and when) did your work with trauma begin?

I think this starts in all of us very early. Each of us approaches it in the way we can stand it. Another one ignores it, another leaves it in its wake, another sews it up and another pretends it never existed. Digging suited me from a young age. I thought there was a why buried down there. If you can withstand the pull, the question automatically stops.

The idea to create "fairy tales for parents" was great, talk to us about art as therapy (and prevention)

Art has a primal and silent power. It can create a vortex that lifts you up from where you are sitting comfortably and throws you further. If you manage to move away from your Ego, to see yourself as an observer rather than a participant, then you are halfway to healing.

We are a country that until recently almost excluded everything related to psychology-therapy and did not have a good relationship with trauma at all, is this changing in the new generations and what still needs to be done?

The taboo of the psychiatrist may no longer exist, but I feel that as the years go by we become more cemented, we move away from the ecstatic child within us, we follow more automated ways of being and communicating. To change this, we must bend within ourselves. Everyone in their own way.

Before I became a mother, I first decided to forgive my parents, and if perhaps forgiveness is a first step, what else do future parents need in order not to pass on to their children the traumas of their own childhood?

Leaving room for the other person to fit in with you is a great thing. Difficult and life-saving. What is needed is an awakening. The reminder. We have come here to be happy. To find ourselves as people first and not our parental role. Many times I am visited by a worried mother because her child is "difficult", "reactive", "aggressive". When I ask her if she is enjoying her own life, the answer is almost always similar. "I don't have time to deal with me. I have forgotten me." I don't mean a happy child without his parents feeling fulfilled.

How did the illustration of the book come about, did you envision it and give instructions to Filanthi Georgana, did you create it together?

Filanthi is a great child with an extraordinary talent. We were lucky enough to tune in. We worked complementary.

What are the impressions or first experiences you have so far in relation to the publication of the book?

As many readers, so many interpretations. Everyone sees something different in what happened to the little girl, for example, in how the fairy tale ends, in what is the reverse narrative of the mother that begins on the last page. Each reader writes his own story on top of my story. And this is deeply moving because it looks like a mirror. Each of us looks within ourselves.

How have you imagined his presentation?

Without words. With bread and wine.

How are you experiencing motherhood so far?

I'm on a ship that a little further down becomes a train and then a hot air balloon and then five and keeps changing forms and speeds and everything goes and goes and travels me into the uncharted territory of myself. Children, if we manage to lower our egos and let ourselves go, are the best trackers of happiness.

Are there parenting mistakes you want to avoid when it comes to raising your child?

This is a big trap. By trying to avoid the mistakes of your parents I think you are doing the same from the opposite side. I don't avoid mistakes. I try to see in my every mistake a magical catapult that will launch me somewhere wiser.

Is it bad for parents to want the "good" of their children, and what does it take for that good to come out of quotes?

What a parent thinks is good may not suit their child's personality at all. Each of us has his own path to walk in this life. It is good for us parents to observe our children and consider them as self-sufficient and independent personalities. It is good to remember that they do not belong to us.

What are your favorite children's books as a child, as an older child, and as a mom?

"Asceticism" by Kazantzakis. It is read at every age, from childhood to old age. It contains in an economic package the whole meaning of existence. I wish one day it will be introduced in education from first grade to university.

What characteristics should a good children's book have for you?

A good book in general, whether children's or not, is judged by how many times you return to it.

What are you reading these days?

I am reading Clarisse Lispector for the umpteenth time with the excitement of the first reading.

What gives you strength or makes you smile even on hard days?

A teacher once told me the following simple sentence: The sewing machine needle must go up and down in order to sew. When I'm down, I try to go with the flow and remind myself that this is the only way to get the fabric folded.

Your next plans?

I plan to live a whole day consciously.

If I can do it, I'm thinking of doing two. And then three. And then as many.

More about the book: ONCE UPON A TIME AND A CHILD – Brainfood Publishing